I was walking through Lincoln Park last week and I began to internally chant Birth/Death/Birth/Death.
I am using a meditation bell timer on youtube to start and end my sessions. I made a schedule and within a week I became ill with influenza and the schedule had to be put aside for 2 weeks while I rested and slept. Something similar happened when I was following a meditation schedule at the Eugene Zendo in 2014, after a couple of weeks I became ill with influenza and by the time I had recovered a few weeks later the meditation term was coming to an end. It seems that my karma violently resists the destruction of habitual distraction, the ego fearing the end of itself.
This morning I arose at 5:30am and increased the bell timer from 20 minutes to 30. I hope to eventually get to 40 minute sessions.
Now that I am past 50 and getting uglier with each passing month I find that the way I have lived my life up to this point has indeed led me here, but more than that, there comes a realization that with the decline of the body comes a decline in fate and fortune, and gradual drift into decay and death. What is an old man with skills that do not translate into work for pay do to survive?
I will be leaning on Osho's answer in the coming months as my money and time fades away - "Be realistic: Plan for a miracle."
