The following begins in 1990 when I was 24 years old and working in a computer parts warehouse. On weary and warm afternoons Miguel and I would find ourselves in the back of the warehouse folding cardboard into boxes. Miguel was in his forties, married with children, and rarely worked a job longer than six months. We formed a habit of eating lunch together on Fridays at a hot dog stand named Bumpers. Miguel surprised me one afternoon as we were driving to Bumpers by asking me what I wanted to do with my life. I hesitated, and decided to tell him the truth, that I wanted to make photographs. Miguel's face displayed interest and he replied that I could find a way to do it. Not long after Miguel stopped showing up to work and I never saw him again, but I decided to test his idea and follow my desire for finding a way to make photographs.
I began to walk the city on weekends with a twenty dollar Yashica, a 35mm film camera which had a crooked viewfinder and a light leak. A recurring thought would appear on these weekend adventures, "what am I doing, what's the goal?" The answer was always the same, "The goal is to make photographs." Simple. Easy to remember. Assured of success as long as I had access to a camera and could press the shutter.
A few years later I was walking the Indiana Dunes with photographer Jeff Sheehan. He watched me approach a tangle of small trees and make several exposures. "Look at you, you know when to make a photograph," he said as he watched me press the shutter time and time again. Perhaps I do know when to make a photograph, but where does this foolish confidence come from? With everything I have experienced, read about, and seen, confidence is a thing I should not hold close, yet confidence can sometimes arrive to the eye unexpected and announce that while life may be difficult, it can also be interesting.
Thirty five years have passed and I still think about Miguel and his optimistic idea that I could find a way to make photographs. Was it worth the effort, do I regret the path I chose to walk?
The answer lies within.
Francis
