During my 2 mile run and 4 mile walk this morning my mind was occupied with the flash project, and I discovered that many images and memories from the past, along with concomitant emotions, were being brought to my consciousness, things which I have not recalled for many years. I found my mind becoming overwhelmed with the totality of my life's experiences, the changes which have occurred, not only on the outside, but inside as well. I was wondering if I should write about the many negative experiences of my existence, which of course all deal with people who targeted me with negative energy. I began recalling these people and even to think about them goes against my idea that hell beings should not be brought into my consciousness, even if they are standing in front of me I should be conscious not of them due to their immense negative energy, but focusing on positive things instead. But if I am going to skip and gloss over these negative hell beings, I am not sure the flash project will accomplish what it sets out to do, which is to record the important experiences of my life so that by the time I reach the end of the sequence of events the whole will come into a sharp picture and conclusions can be drawn. I am sorry to say that these hell beings who targeted me with negative energy did influence how I perceive life, and indeed, they are the reason I consider the world to be a hellish place - as Sartre once wrote, what is hell, but people? Not wanting to give hell beings an inch of space inside my consciousness, I have therefore decided to abandon the project, why think of hell beings when I can be cultivating positive energy instead?
And so it is back again to meditating upon chess from day to day, along with running and walking and reading. Chess being a metaphor for life, with its ups and downs and mistakes and occasional triumphs, is an activity which will bring positive energy to my life and allow me to flow in the river of time with a creative satisfaction. Until something better comes along I will continue to study chess books at the library and play in occasional competitions.
