Today I walked to a friend's house, four miles each way. Two blocks from her home I saw a young squirrel on the road, its head tucked down as if in prayer. I thought it might be dead but I noticed it rocking sideways. I felt pity because I knew it was moments away from death. The adventures it would have, the eating and sex and rolling in the snow and enjoying a deep sleep in its tree nest, all gone. All it knew now was intense pain and a great void coming on. I thought of one of my morning prayers, "anything which crosses my path today may The Great Protector bless all the moments of its life in triple time and shower it with immense positive energy." I stood beside the squirrel watching for oncoming vehicles, I did not want its body to be crushed. I bent over it, stroking its fur with a small stick. It tried to gather itself and turned over, its legs immobile. It opened its mouth wide and its eyes were glazed. It went limp then and I decided to pick its body up and place it in the grass in bright morning sunlight. I repeated to myself "you are blessed, you are blessed, you are blessed now" and I left it to its fate, to die in sunlight in the soft summer grass.
On the walk home the downtown was eerily quiet due to the first day of the national political convention, most people either called in sick to work or were told to stay home. When I reached Millennium Park the southeast entrance was closed so I had to walk on Michigan Ave which was busy with tourists. I passed a man who had a large exotic bird perched on his arm and I thought of a dream I had a few days ago, where I passed a man who was holding a large exotic bird and the bird hopped onto my shoulder and its long beak rubbed my neck and it spoke to me in English, a single sentence which stunned my mind. It then spread its wings and revealed a bright red breast of feathers.
Recent days my hunger has been manageable, although food selection is becoming plain and bare. I carefully watch my mind to see how it is reacting to the sensations of want. Some moments I sense its panic, the wonderment to where it all went wrong. Then it quickly pivots and realizing such thoughts and emotions won't help it takes refuge in faith. An old insight from years ago surfaces, "this life is not mine, not my choice, not my doing, whatever wanted me here put me here and when it wants to take me it will take me. Nothing I do or think will change this so just let go and see what consciousness brings today."
