The nature of samsara is nirvana from the outset.
Deluded thoughts subside completely
Like the clouds that melt into the sky.
Know that they subside there whence they came.
Preserve this state of utter peace,
Primordial wisdom, empty, luminous.
Longchenpa
The joy you want, the pain you prevent -
Are simply dreams. Not even for an instant
Should you think them true.
When moving, sitting, eating, walking, speaking,
Tell yourself with undistracted mindfulness,
'It's all a dream.'
Whatever may appear, whatever you may do or think,
Never lose the thought that it is but a dream.
Longchenpa
First cold day of the season and as I started the walk to my friend's home at UIC a driving snow was blitzing the city and for the next four miles I struggled to reach my destination. At the half way point I wanted to turn back, my feet were wet and cold and jacket and hat soaked in white ice. I was walking west, directly into a strong wind. "I'm too old and weak for this...." "Yes, you are, but the Great Protector is not." With that in mind I trudged forward chanting Amitabha Buddha.
The walkways were slick with ice and I was having trouble staying on my feet so when grassy white patches appeared I broke into a running trot because this was the easiest way to stay balanced. Surprisingly my knee was fine, most likely due to the spongy surface of the snowy grass. "Just get to the church, if I can see the statue of the saint I will offer my bag of Ceylon tea." When I reached the saint at St Francis Church I felt like an animated snowman as I pressed the tea cone into the snow at the base of the statue. I wanted to make a picture of the saint but the camera battery had died long before.
Now it is evening, I am back home warm and snug. I will most likely take a walking break this weekend to allow rest for my injured knee.
Returning from my friend's house at UIC for the afternoon pilgrim walk I experienced a rush of good karma, not unlike going on a rush of good cards at the poker table, where everything I touch turns golden. Of course such pleasures in life don't last long so I made sure to savor the quickly passing day.
It started when I doubted my inner strength for the pilgrim's path. My heart was pulling me in the direction of Harold Washington but I was stubborn and refused the request, "I'm not strong enough to face the sad and hostile faces in there," and then I heard the rejoinder.... "true, you are not strong enough, but the Great Protector is," and I saw that being on the pilgrim's path meant I was protected by the various benefactors of the path. So I inhaled and smiled and walked into Harold Washington where I borrowed four books found by chance. As I was leaving the library I recognized a wanderer of the path, she was walking in front of me, a spindly old lady who was wearing a cloak of ragged humility so that few would recognize who she really was. I was well behind her, twenty feet perhaps, and this small thin spirit used much strength to hold open the heavy entrance door for me. She held that door with great effort and looked directly into my soul, giving me a smile which created chills of gratitude. "Bless you!" I said as I passed her, giving her the very best smile I could imagine and a thought arose as I passed out of her presence, "this is what it's like arriving in heaven, smiles all around."
I next stopped at Millennium Park Gardens and sat next to a burnt orange tree guarding the entrance to the modern art wing. I decided to read one of the books, Being Peace, and opened to a random page : "Hien means 'the present time.' We have to be in the present time, because only the present is real, only in the present moment can we be alive." I looked up as a passing couple crossed my path and when I gazed at the face of the man he gave me a tremendously good-natured smile, a smile so pure and....grateful....that I no longer could recognize or make sense of my own personal social karma. Looks of love and light did not happen to James very often, if at all, so I bow low to James because he burnt much bad karma and now I, Francis, am reaping the rewards. That smile, only a blessed one should get such a look! Having spent a year's worth of good karma on that one smile I got up wondering what the heck is going on, is the pilgrim's walk actually the real thing?
I decided to walk to the Bean and after making a few photos walked through the north end of the park and a man on a scooter approached and asked a man who was walking ahead of me if he had a light, the man did not and so I smiled and offered my lighter. My social karmic reality continued its trend of positive interaction and I spoke and smoked with the man for fifteen minutes. The man, a construction worker, was giving me glances of a most incredible affection and seeming gratitude. I recognized that it was not ugly Francis who these passing people were interacting with, but rather they were gazing at and speaking with the engine of this pilgrim's walk - the spirit light which was protecting Francis! At the end of the conversation he asked my name and I had been so engaged with him that I had to pause to remember "...Francis..." "Nice to meet you Francis, I am Marc Antony." When I looked at Marc I imagined him to be a ghost wanderer on the pilgrim's path, welcoming the newbs with a smile and a smoke. He shook my hand and said "please take this..." it was the joint we had been smoking, there was still half left. I looked at it longingly, Marc Antony smoked good shit. "I can't Marc." "Please, Francis..." I took the joint and when I got home I made fried chicken with rice and corn bread and finished the joint, the smoke of angels and ghosts superior to anything I had ever had. Thank you, Marc Antony.
Not much happening on the pilgrim walk today, I am unsure if I will continue to make photos and write about each walking day but for now I am having fun with it.
Yesterday when I was at Harold Washington I borrowed two books which I found by chance, one by Thomas Merton called The Inner Experience said this in the first chapter :
"At such time it would be singularly unfeeling as well as dishonest for me to suggest that peace, joy, and happiness are easily found along that most arid stretch of man's spiritual pilgrimage : the life of contemplation. More often than not, the way of contemplation is not even a way, and if one follows it, what he finds is nothing. Later on in these pages we hope to justify the apparent fruitlessness of the quest."
When I left Urbana last month I asked Rachel to send me a picture of the house I painted when the maple tree turned yellow. Yesterday Rachel sent me the picture :
I am uncertain why I am bringing a camera with me on the pilgrim's path. The camera was my mistress for 18 years and perhaps I am still not over her so for old times sake I let her record my memories. The camera had not been in my thoughts until the first pilgrim walk and for reasons unknown I dusted it and placed it in my pocket and walked out the door.
My social karma today was both poor and good depending on the hour and the place. During the afternoon walk I stopped at Harold Washington and felt like stepping into an alternate reality where instead of the good karma I have enjoyed I instead suffer through constant hostility. All I could do was keep walking and smiling and hope to burn through it.
The pilgrim's walk is a peculiar thing, it came upon me so sudden and unexpected, unprovoked and perhaps even unwanted. I don't know what good it is doing for me or others, although I have been blessed with great beauty which is consistently assaulting my greedy eyes. The city now seems new and fresh as if I traveled a long distance to reach here.
If I want to see heaven and the Pink Angel I must arrive by mind and into hell I can also descend, trapped in a slave's body or a slave to greedy senses?
Woke at 5:30am and thoughts of the Pink Angel were in my mind so I quickly dressed and soon was out on the pilgrimage path. As I arrived at the Jewel Tree I crossed paths with the Pink Angel who was walking from the tree just as the sun was breaking the horizon. I stood in the usual place behind the tree making mental offerings and gazing at the Pink Angel's offering in the thinly dimmed gray light. I noticed that part of the offering was pieces of fabric tied to the tree. As the sun's pale cold light began to illuminate the scene I made photos and then placed rice on the ground next to the Pink Angel's offering. A surge of intense positive energy radiated into and out of my body and I imagined I was being blessed by the Pink Angel's smile.
I brought a chunk of bread on the walk today imagining I might find birds who would be happy to eat it. At the track twenty sparrows landed at my feet and when the bread was in my hand the birds became joyful and some of them floated like hummingbirds inches from my face while others perched upon my cold fingers.
I decided that during a pilgrimage walk I should try to maintain silence of speech but within 5 minutes of practice I passed a woman and wished her a good morning. I realized it is more important to maintain silence within with the hope that silence without follows.
