This morning I completed the final segment of the pilgrim path which I began on November 15, 2024, making the amount of time spent upon it 115 days. In relation to time, walking the path was equal to my 2018-19 SE Asian journey, where I wrote 115 daily travel entries in this blog, which is a curious synchronicity.
Last night the voice revealed that the pilgrim path had been completed and this made me feel great relief and joy. Walking this particular pilgrim path, the east and west Chicago routes, was challenging throughout, reminding me of running an ultra-marathon when moving forward becomes increasingly more difficult to sustain as darkness and pain descend upon body and mind. The final week of the walk I descended into deep pits of memory which culminated in losing my color vision. I was unsure how long such negative events were to last and for what purpose, if any. Day after day my mind was heaped with shame upon shame dredged from the darkest and most hidden parts of my psyche. To survive such an assault I brought into focus my dual experiences of wandering in SE Asia and training for and participating in ultra-marathons. I'd finally reached the end point, the precipice, the part of the race where things begin shutting down and yet the feet keep moving forward. Time, hours and minutes, feels heavy and burdensome, passing entities cannot help and some hinder and obstruct so that I am always on razor's edge. Then it happens, something unwinds, releases, letting go of all that bundled energy, REALLY LET GO! I was at the pier as evening approached, up on the hill facing east and nobody was near so I gathered up that energy and let out a primal scream which emptied into the vast waters and sky. Then I laughed and watched as the energy was expunged into glorious open space.
That was the it, the all, the end of walking the pilgrim path. I lay in bed last night feeling strange relief, a lightness and sense of ease coursing through me. To what end had I walked it, I wondered? No worries, I no longer cared, all I wanted to do now was nothing, no where to be and no one to see.
I rose this morning feeling light and energized and decided to walk to the wishing tree. I smiled easily as I breezed along, no longer burdened with the struggles of the path. I just existed, in the here and now, hoping not to be a nuisance and just breathe in the air. When I arrived at the tree I was struck with the realization that this was the day to offer the amulet of the golden flower which was gifted to me on December 26th, 42 days into the pilgrim walk. The talisman/amulet I wore everyday on my left hand, its golden ring of fabric always bright and shining. The clear jewel was held snug in my palm and the four minor jewels wrapped around the hand. When exercising the jewels would dig into the flesh, a stinging reminder of it's protection and I was grateful. From the first days of clutching it was obvious I was to offer it to the wishing tree - "This clear jewel is to be offered in future after having served its purpose. I pray I will know when that is."
And so it was, as I stood this morning in the deep shadow of the wishing tree, I offered the final segment of the pilgrim walk, which was now complete, and removed the amulet from my wrist and stood looking at the tree determining how to secure it. I gazed at the thick fabric tied around the tree and the two red roses, which were still held in place. I reached high and slipped the jewel between fabric and tree and gently encircled the red rose petals with the golden fabric. I stepped back then and smiled, a cool ease settling into my being. Whatever had been clamped inside my mind was now released and I made my wish - my wish is to have no more wishes.