Sunday, September 8, 2013
Day 7
The journey has begun. This will be the last entry for many days. I will concentrate on the Way. Internet use to be cut out. Create a world inside of myself.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Day 6
Break today, no meditation.
I have noticed an inner change - a release of the defensive ego. I am willing to let go of protecting the ego, and the meditation has given me an intuitive ability to do so. It frees the mind to be quiet, aware of surroundings yet not fearful of losing anything. Happy about this, yet not clinging to the happiness. I feel closer to life - a continuous flow which changes every moment - no use fretting about winning or losing - just flow.
I have noticed an inner change - a release of the defensive ego. I am willing to let go of protecting the ego, and the meditation has given me an intuitive ability to do so. It frees the mind to be quiet, aware of surroundings yet not fearful of losing anything. Happy about this, yet not clinging to the happiness. I feel closer to life - a continuous flow which changes every moment - no use fretting about winning or losing - just flow.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Day 5
I woke up to rain, but at least I was on time. Zazen session was average, allergies slightly better from the day before. More comfortable with the service chants.
Saturday the Zendo is closed, so it will be nice to sleep in. Sunday is a late start at 9:20am, so I will be looking forward to the weekends for extra sleep.
Monday the autumn session starts - zazen starts at 5:00am, for 2 x 40 minute sessions, followed by the service. I will need to get up at 4:15am - let the fun begin.
Saturday the Zendo is closed, so it will be nice to sleep in. Sunday is a late start at 9:20am, so I will be looking forward to the weekends for extra sleep.
Monday the autumn session starts - zazen starts at 5:00am, for 2 x 40 minute sessions, followed by the service. I will need to get up at 4:15am - let the fun begin.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Day 4
I don't use an alarm clock, so not surprised that I woke up later at 5:18am. I bolted out of bed, quickly washed up, and was out the door at 5:26. I knew I could make it to the Zendo by 5:50 with a short burst of running, so walked most of the way and ran the final 3 blocks.
Zazen was average. Had trouble breathing due to allergies. Stomach quiet.
Am quickly learning the service routine and procedure. Bow, chant, bow.
Perhaps because I rely upon my internal clock to get me out of bed at such an early hour that my sleep patterns have been unpredictable. I lay in bed for 90 minutes in the middle of the night in a half state of dream and wakefulness.
Rained most of the day, first rain in a long while. The season has changed. My energy is low, did not feel like doing anything. Received an email from a friend a couple of days ago, had not heard from her in couple of years. This afternoon I wrote to her, describing my journey to the East last year and shared the images I made while traveling.
Took a long nap from 5:30-8:15pm.
It is 8:30pm now, will do zazen while listening to a dharma talk.
One more day of early zazen at the zendo, then a break (Temple closed on Saturdays).
Zazen was average. Had trouble breathing due to allergies. Stomach quiet.
Am quickly learning the service routine and procedure. Bow, chant, bow.
Perhaps because I rely upon my internal clock to get me out of bed at such an early hour that my sleep patterns have been unpredictable. I lay in bed for 90 minutes in the middle of the night in a half state of dream and wakefulness.
Rained most of the day, first rain in a long while. The season has changed. My energy is low, did not feel like doing anything. Received an email from a friend a couple of days ago, had not heard from her in couple of years. This afternoon I wrote to her, describing my journey to the East last year and shared the images I made while traveling.
Took a long nap from 5:30-8:15pm.
It is 8:30pm now, will do zazen while listening to a dharma talk.
One more day of early zazen at the zendo, then a break (Temple closed on Saturdays).
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Day 3
Woke at 3:30am and was unable to return to a deep sleep. Energy however was good and I easily left my bed at 5:10am and made the walk to the Zendo. More people than usual this morning, 7-8, although only 3 remained after zazen for the service.
Had an average zazen session, nose was clear, stomach made only a few noises. During the service my mind began piecing together the mechanics and the person next to me was kind enough to show me the correct pages to use in the chanting book. My speaking voice, normally weak, is different from my chanting voice. When I chant I produce the sound from the diaphragm, which is deep and resonant. I enjoy chanting and am hoping it keeps my resolve firm and on course.
After leaving the temple I stopped at home to change and then went for a run. My energy was low and I only traveled 1 1/2 miles. During the summer I was running 10-12 miles along the Ridgleline Trail, and on off days hiked 3-4 hours along the same route. It seems the season has turned and my body is preparing for autumn/winter.
After eating a breakfast of tasty porridge I was quite tired so took a long nap. When I woke I practiced guitar, then began a writing project called "Fragments of Memory". I don't kid myself about my ability to tell imaginative stories, so to quench my thirst for writing I have decided to simply describe memories.
After supper I went for a walk around the neighborhood, admiring the gloomy sunset. I then meditated in my studio while listening to a talk given by the roshi.
I am beginning to settle into a rhythm, it is more lucid than my usual days prior to making the vow, and I sense the possibility of going deep into the practice.
It is now 10:00pm, time to get into bed and begin again tomorrow.
Had an average zazen session, nose was clear, stomach made only a few noises. During the service my mind began piecing together the mechanics and the person next to me was kind enough to show me the correct pages to use in the chanting book. My speaking voice, normally weak, is different from my chanting voice. When I chant I produce the sound from the diaphragm, which is deep and resonant. I enjoy chanting and am hoping it keeps my resolve firm and on course.
After leaving the temple I stopped at home to change and then went for a run. My energy was low and I only traveled 1 1/2 miles. During the summer I was running 10-12 miles along the Ridgleline Trail, and on off days hiked 3-4 hours along the same route. It seems the season has turned and my body is preparing for autumn/winter.
After eating a breakfast of tasty porridge I was quite tired so took a long nap. When I woke I practiced guitar, then began a writing project called "Fragments of Memory". I don't kid myself about my ability to tell imaginative stories, so to quench my thirst for writing I have decided to simply describe memories.
After supper I went for a walk around the neighborhood, admiring the gloomy sunset. I then meditated in my studio while listening to a talk given by the roshi.
I am beginning to settle into a rhythm, it is more lucid than my usual days prior to making the vow, and I sense the possibility of going deep into the practice.
It is now 10:00pm, time to get into bed and begin again tomorrow.
Fragments
of Memory
1)
A white house with two stories. My room on the first floor, a window
facing the street, which I cannot see. My bed soft and
large. I'd lay in bed at night, my first thoughts oddly imaginative
and philosophical. I believed that when I fell asleep my breath would stop. I
wanted to know what it felt like to not breathe, so in the bedroom,
dim with night shadows lurking on the walls, I would hold my breath
and was puzzled to find myself gasping after only 20 seconds.
Most
nights my nose was blocked because of allergies. My mother told me I
would die if I swallowed the nasty stuff which filled my nose. The idea of death was not
frightening. Having been in the world for so little time, losing life was as threatening as losing a nickel. Somehow the accumulation of memory creates the fantasy that there is so much to lose.
In the mornings, early, the orange sunlight created a warm place for my eyes to rest in, and the family dog would scratch continuously on the closed door. I jumped out of bed energetically, reaching high to turn the door knob, the dog scratching faster. With the door cracked open I ran back to the bed as fast as I could, the dog racing me, and we jumped together onto the soft mattress. I landed and rolled, covering my face with both hands, the dog lapping at my skin, jumping on my tiny bones. I laughed and laughed, and so did the dog. Such joy and fun! I would soon be sneezing and coughing.
In the mornings, early, the orange sunlight created a warm place for my eyes to rest in, and the family dog would scratch continuously on the closed door. I jumped out of bed energetically, reaching high to turn the door knob, the dog scratching faster. With the door cracked open I ran back to the bed as fast as I could, the dog racing me, and we jumped together onto the soft mattress. I landed and rolled, covering my face with both hands, the dog lapping at my skin, jumping on my tiny bones. I laughed and laughed, and so did the dog. Such joy and fun! I would soon be sneezing and coughing.
One day someone knocked on the
door and I saw my mother talking to strangers and putting the leash on the dog. I
glanced out the door while standing on my toes and watched the dog being put into a car, it was
crying and I think I cried, too. I never saw the dog again.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Day 2
Had a full sleep last night, and was able to rise with energy at 5:00am. Had an intense dream, meeting an old college friend and road tripping with him. Things were not all smooth and pleasant, as he became critical and somewhat abusive as our journey progressed. I handled it well enough - when I act and speak with dignity in a dream, I know I am on the way to a calm and healthy mind.
The walk to the zendo will soon enough become a habit of steps, well known and expected. When I arrived at the temple the resident cat was waiting outside the door. I call him Mr Zen. After a few pets I squeezed in without letting him inside. The sky was still dark, the outer hall filled with fragrant incense and candle light. After picking up a cushion I entered the main hall, bowed, noticing the roshi sitting in zazen next to the alter. I settled in, facing the east wall. 40 minutes went by in an easy flow, body loose and light, even my stomach was silent. My nose was bothered by allergies, but I still managed to breathe easy. When the bell rang I decided to remain for the service, my first one - deep chanting, the pulsing of a drum, bowing, the ringing of bells. I will use the service each morning to remind myself of the vow.
When the service ended the roshi walked over to me and introduced himself. We shook hands and he spoke my name - he correctly guessed who I was from my recent term student application. There was one other person in the hall, a resident wearing a black robe. We spoke for a minute, and he told me he has been living at the temple for 2 1/2 years, and will be ending his time there in one month. I asked him what he planned to do, he smiled easily and told me he did not know.
I walked to the library in the afternoon to look for the Upanishads. I ended up with a book on Hindu Scriptures - The Rg-Veda, Atharva-Veda, Upanishads, Bhagavad-Gita, Kirana-Tantra, and others. It seems odd I have waited this many years to read the eastern sacred texts. They were off my radar until only recently. I sense they will shatter my current world view.
It is 8:00pm. I will now meditate while listening to a recorded talk by the roshi on "Enlightenment and Misunderstandings about Enlightenment", followed by reading and sleep. I have made a good start, momentum now flowing. Looking forward to what day 3 brings.
The walk to the zendo will soon enough become a habit of steps, well known and expected. When I arrived at the temple the resident cat was waiting outside the door. I call him Mr Zen. After a few pets I squeezed in without letting him inside. The sky was still dark, the outer hall filled with fragrant incense and candle light. After picking up a cushion I entered the main hall, bowed, noticing the roshi sitting in zazen next to the alter. I settled in, facing the east wall. 40 minutes went by in an easy flow, body loose and light, even my stomach was silent. My nose was bothered by allergies, but I still managed to breathe easy. When the bell rang I decided to remain for the service, my first one - deep chanting, the pulsing of a drum, bowing, the ringing of bells. I will use the service each morning to remind myself of the vow.
When the service ended the roshi walked over to me and introduced himself. We shook hands and he spoke my name - he correctly guessed who I was from my recent term student application. There was one other person in the hall, a resident wearing a black robe. We spoke for a minute, and he told me he has been living at the temple for 2 1/2 years, and will be ending his time there in one month. I asked him what he planned to do, he smiled easily and told me he did not know.
I walked to the library in the afternoon to look for the Upanishads. I ended up with a book on Hindu Scriptures - The Rg-Veda, Atharva-Veda, Upanishads, Bhagavad-Gita, Kirana-Tantra, and others. It seems odd I have waited this many years to read the eastern sacred texts. They were off my radar until only recently. I sense they will shatter my current world view.
It is 8:00pm. I will now meditate while listening to a recorded talk by the roshi on "Enlightenment and Misunderstandings about Enlightenment", followed by reading and sleep. I have made a good start, momentum now flowing. Looking forward to what day 3 brings.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Day 1
Struggled last night. Got up at 1:30am to use the bathroom, when I got back into bed my mind began to contemplate some of the negative relationships I have had with people. I could not determine if I was needlessly anxious about things out of my control, or was trying to find an answer to these past difficulties. Probably a bit of both. My mind is sufficiently trained to avoid foolish anxiety, especially in bed - once I get into bed I am determined to be at peace and get some rest. I contemplated these painful relationships for hours, and never got back to sleep. I attempted to focus on the breath while thinking about things, but the late hour and sleepiness caused my concentration to be weak, and I also seemed to be in a different world, a kind of half dream inhabited with devils and monsters.
All the while I knew I had to get up at 5:00am. At 4:45 I told myself to forget about it, I was just too beat up mentally. And then my stomach started to make loud noises. Have you ever meditated in a quiet room crowded with people, the silence broken by odd stomach noises? If I happen to be the noisy stomach I tend to get so embarrassed that sweat breaks out on my forehead. Well, I could just imagine sitting there in the dawn silence with my stomach screaming for attention while my fogged mind chased demons through an imaginary landscape. Yes, I was staying in bed.
When I checked my watch it was 5:09am. I found myself pulling away from the warm covers, the vow had won, it pushed me into the washroom to get cleaned up, and soon after I was walking to the zendo. I told myself not even crazy stomach noises were going to keep me away. And so I meditated on day 1 from 5:50-6:30. Three others were there, I believe they live at the zendo. At one point music began to play, it was a funky band orchestral, immediately one of the meditators left the room to shut off the music. Was it a clock radio alarm? Who knows, but it got my mind off my stomach.
The rest of the daily schedule was thrown off because I when I got home from the zendo I went back to bed for some needed sleep. I got out of the house at 10:00 for a short run and exercise, then stopped at the grocery to get a few supplies. I practiced guitar after a meal of brown rice and vegetables. There was a knock on the door as I sat at the table eating. I don't get many visitors. A woman with white hair stood there, she came to introduce herself. She lives across the street. We talked for a minute or two. I became self conscious.
It is 7:30pm, I will meditate for an hour and then do some reading.
Yesterday I made a drawing of a man meditating. I plan to give it to the roshi when the student term begins on September 22. I submitted my application yesterday - a 90 day commitment to do zazen everyday, along with a few other activities at the zendo. More about this later.
Day 2 tomorrow. How will I sleep tonight? More demons from the past? I accept it - it is illusion, mind rebelling against my plan to study it. It is playing tricks - I can see through the deception. Mind, you are only harming yourself. Sleep easy.
All the while I knew I had to get up at 5:00am. At 4:45 I told myself to forget about it, I was just too beat up mentally. And then my stomach started to make loud noises. Have you ever meditated in a quiet room crowded with people, the silence broken by odd stomach noises? If I happen to be the noisy stomach I tend to get so embarrassed that sweat breaks out on my forehead. Well, I could just imagine sitting there in the dawn silence with my stomach screaming for attention while my fogged mind chased demons through an imaginary landscape. Yes, I was staying in bed.
When I checked my watch it was 5:09am. I found myself pulling away from the warm covers, the vow had won, it pushed me into the washroom to get cleaned up, and soon after I was walking to the zendo. I told myself not even crazy stomach noises were going to keep me away. And so I meditated on day 1 from 5:50-6:30. Three others were there, I believe they live at the zendo. At one point music began to play, it was a funky band orchestral, immediately one of the meditators left the room to shut off the music. Was it a clock radio alarm? Who knows, but it got my mind off my stomach.
The rest of the daily schedule was thrown off because I when I got home from the zendo I went back to bed for some needed sleep. I got out of the house at 10:00 for a short run and exercise, then stopped at the grocery to get a few supplies. I practiced guitar after a meal of brown rice and vegetables. There was a knock on the door as I sat at the table eating. I don't get many visitors. A woman with white hair stood there, she came to introduce herself. She lives across the street. We talked for a minute or two. I became self conscious.
It is 7:30pm, I will meditate for an hour and then do some reading.
Yesterday I made a drawing of a man meditating. I plan to give it to the roshi when the student term begins on September 22. I submitted my application yesterday - a 90 day commitment to do zazen everyday, along with a few other activities at the zendo. More about this later.
Day 2 tomorrow. How will I sleep tonight? More demons from the past? I accept it - it is illusion, mind rebelling against my plan to study it. It is playing tricks - I can see through the deception. Mind, you are only harming yourself. Sleep easy.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Preparation
Today I walked to the Zendo for Sunday Zazen and dharma talk. I contributed to the discussion of mindfulness of body during the question/answer period. I am preparing mentally for the start tomorrow. I am not in the habit of rising at 5:00am, so the first obstacle to overcome is my desire to sleep. Will try to get into bed early tonight. Only thing to be done is to get up, walk to zendo, meditate. The rest of the day won't be out of the ordinary for me.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
The Schedule. The Vow.
Beginning Monday I will follow a schedule. I made the schedule last week. Lately my days have been haphazard, following little direction. Freedom, which I value greatly, can be shaped in various ways. To drift at sea with no destination, following in the wake of winds and storms, works for a while. But my spirit gets restless and now I need to set a pattern for my hours.
The Schedule :
4:00am - wake/shower/walk to zendo
4:50am - zazen at zendo - Mon-Fri
7:00am - exercise/running/walking
9:30am - break/breakfast (if hungry)
10:00 work - writing/drawing/guitar/study
1:00pm - main meal of day
2:00pm - rest/nap
3:00pm - work - writing/drawing/guitar/study
6:00pm - break/light meal if hungry/check correspondence
7:00pm - zazen in studio
9:00pm - read
9:30pm - lights out/sleep
During my life I have followed a few paths -
- Schooling/university - studied history and philosophy at the university, taught myself how to write and read.
- Athletics - began to run at age 12, still going strong. Distances of 5k-50 miles.
- Love - learned about passionate love from age 18-21.
- Meditation - taught myself how to meditate. Experienced kundalini after 1 year of practice. Was unaware what kundalini was at the time. Consider this to be the most blessed moment of my life.
- Art - dedicated my life to art. Vowed to practice it for 10 years. After 10 years decided to continue, renewing the vow once a year. Ended the vow at the end of 18th year.
- Freedom - after 18 years of art, decided to drift in life with no direction. Traveled, continued to read, write, make pictures.
- Spirituality - beginning now. This will likely be the final path of my life's journey. All of the above were preparations for this difficult endeavor. Difficult because I live in a culture which puts little emphasis upon it. However, I learned through my vow of art how to remain focused and self motivated, living a secret double life. Will reveal to people who know me nothing of my new path.
The schedule is the starting point of my path. I believe I need to practice discipline, the way is in the practice, and the practice is the schedule.
There is no teacher or book who can lead me on this path. Each person has their unique way, I must search for it, keeping my senses alert and aware. Clarity of mind, a peaceful spirit, and a presence intuitive and authentic.
The Vow.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Guardians of Sleep
Arose at dawn and was soon out the door for a 10 mile run along the Ridgeline Trail. Upon leaving the Ridgeline I decided to walk the final 2 miles along the flat wood-chipped Rexius Trail due to fatigued legs. Still a great time.
When I returned home I decided to wander downtown, stopping at the library, then Oregon Arts to buy drawing supplies. Inside the store was a drawing exhibit entitled Gaurdians of Sleep, a project by Jan Halvorsen who drew everyday for a year. Very impressive and inspiring work.
When I returned home I made lunch, then began a new drawing. The harsh noon light streaming onto the drawing desk made working uncomfortable so I read a bit from Planet Walker by John Francis, then took a short nap. When I awoke I carried my Guitar to the nearby meadow and meditated to my own music making.
The sun still being up, I sat back down at the drawing table and finished the drawing I had started earlier in the day.
From Planet Walker -
"This is to introduce John Francis, who left his home in Inverness, California, on January 1, 1983, on an 18-year pilgrimage around the world to raise environmental consciousness, and promote earth stewardship and world peace.
John gave up the use of motorized vehicles not long after an oil spill in San Francisco Bay in 1971. Since 1973, he has maintained a vow of silence."
When I returned home I decided to wander downtown, stopping at the library, then Oregon Arts to buy drawing supplies. Inside the store was a drawing exhibit entitled Gaurdians of Sleep, a project by Jan Halvorsen who drew everyday for a year. Very impressive and inspiring work.
When I returned home I made lunch, then began a new drawing. The harsh noon light streaming onto the drawing desk made working uncomfortable so I read a bit from Planet Walker by John Francis, then took a short nap. When I awoke I carried my Guitar to the nearby meadow and meditated to my own music making.
The sun still being up, I sat back down at the drawing table and finished the drawing I had started earlier in the day.
From Planet Walker -
"This is to introduce John Francis, who left his home in Inverness, California, on January 1, 1983, on an 18-year pilgrimage around the world to raise environmental consciousness, and promote earth stewardship and world peace.
John gave up the use of motorized vehicles not long after an oil spill in San Francisco Bay in 1971. Since 1973, he has maintained a vow of silence."
Thursday, July 18, 2013
The Maple Tree
Walked the new route to the cemetery this morning expecting to sit under the fragrant mimosa tree. The mimosa was being watered by a sprinkler, so I decided to sit under a nearby maple tree. I read a few passages from the Ajahn Chah book, then sat facing the nearby hills. The day was warm, blue, and quiet, I lost my sense of time and space and the world became an ethereal dream scented with pine and cedar.
When I returned home I worked with the pencil and finished the drawing I began a couple of days ago.
When I returned home I worked with the pencil and finished the drawing I began a couple of days ago.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
The Mimosa Tree
Yesterday I chose to walk a new route to the cemetery, cutting through a couple of parks and walking a mile along a one lane country road. When I reached the edge of the cemetery I found a "secret" entrance, a single track walking path through a small thicket of trees. When I entered the back edge of the cemetery I found it was secluded from the main road. I spotted a Mimosa tree in bloom and decided to meditate under it. The sky was a sharp cloudless blue and the shade cooled me from the summer heat. I sat comfortably for a while, then decided to open a book by Ajahn Chah - I read "You have been prisoner to your habits your whole lives. If you didn't want to get free, why would you have come here?"
I am beginning to draw 3-4 hours a day.
I am beginning to draw 3-4 hours a day.
In Progress
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Tales from the Bus
Leaving Eugene today for a 15 day visit to my old home in the midwest. Arose with the sun, secured my travel pack, and made the 40 minute walk to the bus station under calm skies. Waiting in line at the station a heavy set, older man took a liking to me and began to talk. I was struck by his candor and honesty, and with one of his stories of bus travel. Boarding a new bus, he found it to be crowded and asked a man if he could sit in the seat next to him. The man was using the empty seat as a storage space for his belongings, and refused the man's request. "he wanted to kick my ass for asking him to sit next to him. I considered getting into it with him, but decided against it." He went on to talk of his concerns about finding a seat on our soon to be ride to Portland. I did not say much of anything, just listened intently and was bemused with the differences in people's experiences and thoughts about them. I thought how fortunate I have been to have rarely gotten into disputes with people, perhaps one advantage of always spending my time alone. He then said "I have to learn how to defuse situations." Here was a man, perhaps 50-55, trying to learn a basic, yet elusive, skill - the art of peace. "Perhaps it's my pride....the problem is I am competitive....I know I should turn the other cheek, but...." Various images appeared in my mind, but I did not know if anything I could say would help him in his quest for peace, so I remained a silent listener.
As we boarded the bus the man took the first available seat he came to, and I ended up sitting next to a gray haired man missing his two front teeth. He also took a liking to me and spoke during most of the 100 mile trip to Portland. He told me his journey started in North Carolina on Amtrak. In Salt Lake City he was pushed aside by an impatient traveler and he fell to the ground and broke his two front teeth, and he opened his mouth to show me the dark space where only 2 days before had been two healthy teeth. In San Diego Amtrak refused to allow him to board a new train due to not having a valid picture ID. "I have a valid picture ID, from the Catholic Church in Rome, but they refused it." He then asked the attendant to watch his bag while he took a crap in the restroom. When he returned his bag was gone. "And just now, when I got off the bus in Eugene for a smoke, I left my sunglasses on my seat and when I returned they were gone." His string of poor fortune in a short period of time made me consider karma, luck, and being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He told me was en route to Seattle where he was going to work for six months on a large boat , a converted air craft carrier, which was moored in the Bearing Sea. At one time he was an airline pilot, but when Diabetes afflicted him he took a marketing job for the airline. Now 70, he worked six months a year on the ship to keep busy more so than for the money. Having been a pilot, he had traveled to many places in the world, one of his favorite being Greece. He knew a famous museum curator there, and one evening the curator invited him to dinner. "I was sick of the Greek food, and really wanted a juicy steak. I told Milo how I craved a steak, and he said no problem, let me talk to the chef. A few minutes later Milo came back and said the chef would make me a steak. Well, I thought he was jerking me around, but sure enough, the waiter eventually arrived with a baked potato and a giant slab of meat. It was perfect, I was in heaven as I ate. When I finished, Milo asked if I had liked it. I told him I did, very much so. When we got up from the table to leave, Milo took me through the back door of the restaurant, where we saw hanging from a hook a freshly killed cow. "Milo, that cow looks awfully thin", to which he replied, "David, that is not a cow, it is a horse".
As we boarded the bus the man took the first available seat he came to, and I ended up sitting next to a gray haired man missing his two front teeth. He also took a liking to me and spoke during most of the 100 mile trip to Portland. He told me his journey started in North Carolina on Amtrak. In Salt Lake City he was pushed aside by an impatient traveler and he fell to the ground and broke his two front teeth, and he opened his mouth to show me the dark space where only 2 days before had been two healthy teeth. In San Diego Amtrak refused to allow him to board a new train due to not having a valid picture ID. "I have a valid picture ID, from the Catholic Church in Rome, but they refused it." He then asked the attendant to watch his bag while he took a crap in the restroom. When he returned his bag was gone. "And just now, when I got off the bus in Eugene for a smoke, I left my sunglasses on my seat and when I returned they were gone." His string of poor fortune in a short period of time made me consider karma, luck, and being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He told me was en route to Seattle where he was going to work for six months on a large boat , a converted air craft carrier, which was moored in the Bearing Sea. At one time he was an airline pilot, but when Diabetes afflicted him he took a marketing job for the airline. Now 70, he worked six months a year on the ship to keep busy more so than for the money. Having been a pilot, he had traveled to many places in the world, one of his favorite being Greece. He knew a famous museum curator there, and one evening the curator invited him to dinner. "I was sick of the Greek food, and really wanted a juicy steak. I told Milo how I craved a steak, and he said no problem, let me talk to the chef. A few minutes later Milo came back and said the chef would make me a steak. Well, I thought he was jerking me around, but sure enough, the waiter eventually arrived with a baked potato and a giant slab of meat. It was perfect, I was in heaven as I ate. When I finished, Milo asked if I had liked it. I told him I did, very much so. When we got up from the table to leave, Milo took me through the back door of the restaurant, where we saw hanging from a hook a freshly killed cow. "Milo, that cow looks awfully thin", to which he replied, "David, that is not a cow, it is a horse".
Saturday, May 25, 2013
The Tree
Last night while in bed I decided to take a walk to a cemetery 2 miles down the road. There are a couple of massive trees which stand near the entrance, and my intention was to sit in meditation under one of them.
This morning I packed my meditation stool and a Krishnamurti book into my daypack and took a pleasant walk under a gray and chilly May sky. When I arrived I was surprised by the number of cars driving slowly around the place, but then remembered it is the start of Memorial Day weekend. I chose the larger of the two trees because it was living behind a brick wall which blocked out the site of street traffic. As I settled in I closed my eyes and images of past outdoor meditation sessions skipped around in my mind. Soon my thoughts became dense and quiet and like a heavy stone sunk to the bottom of my being. I was left with my breathing and occasional sudden flashes of insight.
Inside my body I was feeling electrical surges which filled my chest with what felt like exploding light, as if there was a sun, or even a galaxy of stars living there, and by being still, like the protective tree, I could sense its activity and flow of energy. A clear image of the tree appeared, a small and thin child bending bravely in rain, wind, cold, and snow. Then it was a mere seed resting in the ground, awaiting its journey without knowledge of how far it would get.
Today, sitting under the tree, I was like a seed which had dropped upon the ground, with the potential to become a massive presence of calm and peace. Time, the sequential kind, is what makes things seem long and hard, but isn't it possible that time has other dimensions which gives one a faded taste of future happenings? Somewhere in time I have grown into something solid and tall, and today was my first step to getting there.
This morning I packed my meditation stool and a Krishnamurti book into my daypack and took a pleasant walk under a gray and chilly May sky. When I arrived I was surprised by the number of cars driving slowly around the place, but then remembered it is the start of Memorial Day weekend. I chose the larger of the two trees because it was living behind a brick wall which blocked out the site of street traffic. As I settled in I closed my eyes and images of past outdoor meditation sessions skipped around in my mind. Soon my thoughts became dense and quiet and like a heavy stone sunk to the bottom of my being. I was left with my breathing and occasional sudden flashes of insight.
Inside my body I was feeling electrical surges which filled my chest with what felt like exploding light, as if there was a sun, or even a galaxy of stars living there, and by being still, like the protective tree, I could sense its activity and flow of energy. A clear image of the tree appeared, a small and thin child bending bravely in rain, wind, cold, and snow. Then it was a mere seed resting in the ground, awaiting its journey without knowledge of how far it would get.
Today, sitting under the tree, I was like a seed which had dropped upon the ground, with the potential to become a massive presence of calm and peace. Time, the sequential kind, is what makes things seem long and hard, but isn't it possible that time has other dimensions which gives one a faded taste of future happenings? Somewhere in time I have grown into something solid and tall, and today was my first step to getting there.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)