Dear David,
This past week I have experienced a vast changing of my inner landscape.
It began when I lay in bed and a great feeling of loss and grief came
over me, out of an apparently happy time of my life, and yet, it felt as
if I had lost someone close which left a hole in my heart. The
following days the valley shadows of grief visited me, and listening to a
Chalisa by Krishna Das would make me weep uncontrollably, something I
have not done for 33 years. Day after day I wept a great sorrowing while
listening to Krishna Das, and today I tried to walk but gave up and
decided to sleep, read, meditate, and cry some more. It feels as if
someone close has died, but even in death I am usually composed enough
with positive energy to not be so overcome with grief. And yet there is
no external death to latch my grief onto, it appears my grief is coming
from a long forgotten dark corner of my psyche, and watching it emerge
into light has cast my consciousness into a dark pit of despair and
emptiness. I know I must let these feelings flow and not try to push
them back into the corner, and I also feel in a certain sense that this
can be yet another test of the meditation, when bringing the mind home
means I will be pulling it through a wet and stormy night.
