Dear David,
Every day new lessons emerge, or, things which interest me, prick me into a searching gaze, and the gaze invariably ends up inward. The past, my past, it is all so random, 8 billion pair of conscious eyes pulling in colors and shapes in an infinite progression of order, each life its own unique game of hide and seek, who seeks and who hides? What led me to one book over another, one thought pattern over other patterns? I've walked 19,300 days though forests and cities, cutting a ridiculously illogical and instinctive path and when looking back at it I laugh and wonder how I made it this far, what need to worry, someone who survives a jungle trek by repeating a five word mantra is master of the imaginative universe, the lunging tiger, slayed by the fire of words.
Every day new lessons emerge, or, things which interest me, prick me into a searching gaze, and the gaze invariably ends up inward. The past, my past, it is all so random, 8 billion pair of conscious eyes pulling in colors and shapes in an infinite progression of order, each life its own unique game of hide and seek, who seeks and who hides? What led me to one book over another, one thought pattern over other patterns? I've walked 19,300 days though forests and cities, cutting a ridiculously illogical and instinctive path and when looking back at it I laugh and wonder how I made it this far, what need to worry, someone who survives a jungle trek by repeating a five word mantra is master of the imaginative universe, the lunging tiger, slayed by the fire of words.
I dreamt of my father a few weeks
ago, even though I have not seen him in 30 years. He was not there when I
needed him, and perhaps if he had been it would not have made much of a
difference. I'd like to think I have forgiven him for breaking off a
budding family just getting ready to bloom, it taught me about the pain
of loss, the pain of a trust being broken, the pain of a love being
severed. How plunging from affluence to want and need didn't mean much,
the sun still shines down on my head and I recognize that in deepest
loss a new life is planted.