I
find it interesting that in a period of intense cultural change which
is having such a devastating impact on so many lives, the changes
happening in my individual existence appear to be in opposition to this
negative trend. My meditation practice is flowering after such a very
long period of stagnation, bringing peace, calm, and harmony to mind and
body. For whatever reason I have been ignorant and blind to the effect
of having my breath locked into one position, or room, the room of
constant agitation, distraction, excitement, motion. This distraction
puts my mind into a permanent state of hyper alertness, as if I was
always in some kind of danger, thus necessitating a vigilance of the
external world. The breath compensates by being quick and shallow, and
after years of habit the upper rooms are shut and locked. This is one
reason why meditation became a kind of unpleasant chore, the locked
upper rooms being inaccessible made the shallow breathing a literal pain
which made sitting still and silent uncomfortable. It was not until
this year when I made a renewed effort with meditation that I was able
to break down the habits which had been growing for years. I had to
contend with a habit (distraction) that had grown the size of large tree
- cutting it down in size is not to be accomplished in a day or a week,
and knowing this I decided to accept that I might not be able to
overcome its power, but nonetheless the effort to try was important, if
not to be accomplished in this lifetime, then I could at least prepare
the soil for the next life, whenever that would be. I began, and, as I
mentioned in a previous letter, after a week or two I was struck with an
illness (most likely Covid) which lasted two weeks, which made me
suspend my meditation practice. During my rest and recovery I did not
forget my determination to sit still in meditation, I had an odd feeling
the sickness was a test of my resolve, a part of the process, how badly
did I want to practice? Bad enough that when I recovered I began to sit
again, and within a few weeks I began on occasion to experience an
unlocking of the unused rooms of the breath, each time thinking "what a
blessing!" With just a single inhalation into these upper rooms the
effect would bring a natural smile and a deep relaxation would permeate
body and mind, lasting minutes. With each passing day I was accessing
the rooms more frequently, sometimes lasting for half the meditation
period, or longer. Last night I was feeling a bit tired and decided to
skip the evening session, and as I lay in bed I accessed the upper rooms
without consciously trying, and it brought such happiness and relief
that I got out of bed and happily sat down to meditate and immediately
was rewarded with slow deep breathing. When I get into this state of
breath 30-40 minutes pass easily and effortlessly and when the bell
rings I find no reason to get up, the deep peace flowing inside is so
profound that I can't think of many things which are superior, and with
the old habit of distraction becoming ever smaller and fading into the
distance, I have little desire to return to that agitated state of
being. I see then that the goal is to carry these now open upper rooms
with me off the cushion and into the life of action and movement,
carrying the peace with me in various circumstances, the rooms being
opened and accessed in even the most trying of circumstances. I am
currently nowhere near that level of life mastery, but no worry, I am
confident that the more I sit the more I can experience this peace
outside the meditation room.
