Dear David,
In
2011 I discovered a blog while researching my first Asian journey. I
became intrigued with the story of Keith M and discovered that his path
appeared to be not only blessed, but it paralleled mine in some distant,
mysterious way, and so I continued to read it as the years passed.
During my desert days in Boulder City and subsequent illness there was a
gap in his entries. He went from traveling the world to studying yoga
in Thailand, then meditating with a famous American Zen Master in
Colorado. Out of the blue(s) a random entry appeared one day concerning
the MeToo movement, he did not explain much, other than to say he was
sorry. Then, another out of the blues moment happened a few months ago -
he had developed a cough and after a few doctor visits it was found
that he had a cancerous tumor growing in his lung. The entries became
more numerous, documenting his diagnosis and subsequent healing attempt
with dreaded chemo. Now he is immersed full fathom five, diving deep
amid the murky waters of cancer, the shadow of death ever present, as it
is with all of us. He is forty years old, handsome, spiritually mature.
In his latest entry he requested help from near and far, for various
things, from financial support to the sending of healing energy, and
even the simple act of letter writing and the gift of pictures and
postcards. Having recently been leafing through twenty boxes of
photographs, and discovering to my surprise and delight that two of the
boxes contained some of my best work, which I had for some reason held
back from selling, perhaps from the desire to preserve a small slice of
my 18 year history as a photographer, I felt inspired and compelled to
write him a letter and include a few photographs, a lonely road, an old
broken car, a muddy, empty field, perhaps not the brightest of subjects,
but nevertheless I trusted my instincts and sent it off yesterday, the
post office lady none too thrilled to handle my payment of cash (strange
times!). In my meditations I put aside 15-20 minutes to send healing
energy to loved ones and people in need of it, and Keith has been one of
the people I have been focusing on, breathing in the cancer, the
destructive forces of the chemo, and then, breathing out, the bright
burning sun purifying and burning the negative energy into a dark acrid
smoke. Breathing in the black smoke, blowing it into oblivion, and then
breathing out, cool blue ocean waters enveloping him in radiant positive
energy. Sometimes when doing this type of meditation I feel a strong
energy flowing through my heart and other organs, my ribs vibrating to
the silent music of love and light.
Anger,
a fascinating, powerful, and destructive force of negative energy.
Every day I reflect upon the AHHJEG (anger, hatred, hostility, jealousy,
envy, greed) and the GKC (gratitude, kindness, compassion). I try my
best to deflect the negative and cultivate the positive, using the well
known analogy of seeds. I imagine the seeds of GKC growing into massive
trees, and the seeds of AHHJEG being buried deep without water or light
so that they remain dormant and stunted. Nevertheless, I find it
mysterious that humans have the freedom to cultivate any of the seeds,
and that some willfully choose the negative seeds. Indeed, religious
texts and stories are filled with the fate of souls who are immersed in a
spiritual war, on the battlefield having to fight a nemesis. Buddha had
to contend with Devadatta, who was the shadow to Gautama's light. In
the desert Jesus had a visitation from Lucifer, and while on the cross
in his final moments before death was given one last temptation. And I
find myself ever returning to Judas, the poor soul who was fated to
betray his master. These stories turn existence into a life and death
trial, and in my life's most difficult moments, when my soul is on a
tightrope, where a single misstep can lead to a dramatic plunge, the
oddly compelling (and random!) thought arises "it's a test, don't focus
on the pettiness of the moment, keep in sight the long range of time and
the height of the mountain being climbed!" And I wonder why life seems
sometimes to indeed be a test, a choosing between light and dark, and
perhaps there is no choice, that we are born either in the light or in
the dark and whatever side we fall on is where we remain faithfully
committed. And who is to say why light is better than darkness, life
better than death, for the universe thrives with the infinite clashing
of the two, a coin whose nature is two sided. I'd like to believe that
the one's born in the shadows eventually evolve into the light and the
fabric of their souls becomes illuminated.
But
my random ideas and imagination of the universe I see to be so small
and unsound that I give them up as nothing more than a drop of water
lost in the massive ocean of ideas which abound in the universe, and I
catch myself before getting boxed in and let it all go, settling mind
and body into the great vastness of space and time, seeking to find the
place of harmony which was meant for me.
Week
1 of running : 1.25, 1.6, 2, 2, 2.25, 3, 3.35. Fast progress, helped by
a reduction of food, the past six days having been single meal affairs,
my body craving food, but the excitement of running keeps me from
eating, knowing that it will be easier if I can shed a 15lb sack of
potatoes. Today was a high energy day, not too surprising because in the
past when I have cut down to one meal per day it takes only a short
time before energy levels rise. After running in Grant Park I decided to
walk to Lake Shore Park to do pull-ups, but was not surprised to find
the park now closed. I decided to continue walking north to Lincoln Park
and walked in the fields under mostly blue skies, then turned around
and headed for home. Once the weather gets warmer and more people get
into Grant Park, that too will be closed, then I will be running in the
streets and exploring the city anew.
The
most compelling and startling scientific fact I have discovered which
exhibits the predicament of life on earth is the following -
On a recent walk -
On a not so recent walk -
