Dream Journal 2

I'm walking through a college town, similar to Urbana Champaign, or DeKalb, I cross paths with a girl who is a student at the college, she is blonde, pretty, around 5'7", 130 pounds, sweet and friendly. She isn't following me but we keep meeting on the streets. I cross through a wooded passing and then find myself, by chance, to be at my friend Ward's house, the house is part fictional, partly based on fact. I feel self-conscious that I have not seen him in years, and then I see the girl and she appears to be lost, or too far out of town and I ask her if she'd like to join me at my friend's house. My conception of myself is to be older than her, but slightly younger than my physical world age. She accepts and I knock on the door and wonder how Ward will react, I see him and his first wife Laura, who both graciously accept me into their home, Laura is wearing a furry pajama suit, white, and it makes her look very thin. As I pass into their house I am conscious that Laura is looking at me and I am aware that my face is ugly, but I stay as cool and as accepting of this fact as I can, knowing most likely she won't mention my bad looks. I take a seat and the house is sometimes enclosed and other times partially outdoors. The girl is now gone and my friend Dave is there with his gf Carol and I know I am lucky to have friends, aware that this makes me look normal and safe to the girl. The girl is no longer at the house but she shows up now at the front door, lost, and we invite her in and I am about to puff on a blunt but pass it to her and she takes a hit then gives it back to me and I take a big inhalation. I notice Ward's house has an ice cream cooler and counter like in a shop, I can see 10-15 buckets of flavors, colored brightly pinks blues reds, and we walk over to get scoops of ice cream and then I find myself and the ice cream counter partially outdoors, at a place where I have been before, in prior dreams with Ward and he has lived at this place and I recognize it. I notice hot dog buns and other foods and Ward explains that he helps the owner of the house/bar/restaurant as a counter man and scooper. I imagine Ward's main job, which is scooping ice cream for people and giving out hot dogs, he mentions it gets busy on the holidays. I turn to the girl and ask her name, she says it's Sarah, and we all introduce ourselves, before it comes to me I become self conscious again, the thought that my name, Jim, is second rate, passes through my mind and I know I'm going to have trouble pronouncing it because of how it flows off my tongue, and when I tell her my name I do have difficulty, the m seems garbled so I have to repeat it and then I feel that the impression of my name on Sarah must be neutral at best. Even though I'm aware that I'm ugly I can't stifle feelings of attraction for her, and awareness of my advanced age does not inhibit my desires for her affection, to feel a connection with her. I find myself admiring how Ward lives, working odd jobs for money and in his remaining time working on his art and spiritual advancement. I realize I love Ward because his life is a mirror for my own, he is my spirit guide, always has been. It is now night and I ask Sarah how she is going to get home. She does not know. Ward's house is now further away from the town and the roads which surround it I have seen before, along with its location. My black Schwinn bike leans against the garage, as if I had ridden it to the house instead of walked. I ask Sarah if she'd like to ride my bike back into town and she agrees, but then I realize it's a bad idea because the roads are dark and she might get hit by a car. I am enjoying her company and know I will miss her, but at the same time our meeting seems fated and easy, as if we have a strong, yet very short, connection. We all leave Ward's house and decide to drive Sarah into town, I see a red London-style double deck bus pass by, very close to me, and I sense that I don't know how to ride one, how to get a ticket, but that I will soon need to learn how. I wake up, it is 5:00am, I immediately try to get back into the dream, to be in a lucid state, I close my eyes and imagine Sarah and Ward. I almost get there, almost. It is still dark in the room and I want to return to sleep, but if I do I will forget the details of the dream, so I get the laptop, sit up in bed, and write the details.