Before sleeping I focused on wanting to mind travel to India or Thailand, and once there to find myself as a monk living in a small hut. Also focused on wanting to be conscious that I was dreaming, or lucid dreaming. Woke at 6:00am and instead of being in India I was in urban USA working a clerk job which I did not know fully well, which must have meant I was new at the job. My supervisor was Joyce, who was my supervisor at the Art Institute.
At one point I felt distanced from my workmates, sensing the usual feeling that I was different, not necessarily inferior, but because I am unable to feel comfortable and wanted in a work group, it basically does mean that I am inferior in that particular environment. I know in the big picture that everything has its value, but in the realm of human society I have and always be a loser, most likely due to having my consciousness tethered to an ugly body. It's like being a white tulip growing amidst 200 red ones. Nothing I can do will change the color of the flower, and how I ended up in a bed of red tulips is a mystery. I also sensed the familiar dread of having willfully given up my freedom of time and space, knowing that day after day until I quit the job or die that I have to spend the best part of the long day stuck in an environment I don't like and doing an activity that is meaningless. This type of dream is my hidden consciousness alerting me that I have a question in life that my visible consciousness has not yet answered, and that question is how do I get money without giving up my freedom and not ending up in a place where I am a white tulip surrounded by red ones.
At one of my warehouse jobs, in 1990, the office manager came back into the warehouse and stood smoking a cigarette. After observing me for a bit he spoke to me and said "you don't belong here." He didn't say it in a mean way, but in a way of someone who is looking at a bed of flowers and notices one flower that is not the same color as the others. He was basically saying, you should be somewhere else where you fit in. I knew he was right, but at the same time I also knew that my life karma at that moment was to be someone who did not fit in, so I accepted this and was grateful that I somehow managed to still be grudgingly accepted and not completely wiped out by others who knew I was different. At my shipping job at Morningstar a workmate once old me "you think your'e better than everyone else." I found it interesting that he believed he could read other's emotions and thoughts, and that his guess could be completely wrong. I can't recall my reply, but I know I did not tell him the truth, which was that I felt the opposite, that I was inferior to my workmates due to the fact that I did not fit in, both physically and spiritually.
The final part of the dream I was asked to do a task for my supervisor for the first time, to call UPS and give them her name. A few hours later Joyce arrives, along with the UPS driver and he mentions that I did the task right, but why did I give her last name before her first. I pondered this while he spoke with Joyce and after a minute or two of reflection realized she had written her name last, then first on her instructions. I was pleased, and not surprised, by my ability to follow detailed instructions, which has always been a saving strength for me. The UPS driver then went to the front of the bus and began driving, and we started to move and I realized that Joyce's office was located in the middle of a bus, and one of my workmates, Tasha, who I worked with at the Art Institute, was now with us, so I sit down and marvel at the fact that we are driving down a road on a mobile office. I feel distanced from Tasha and Joyce when Tasha asks Joyce to call in her stock trading company and sell bitcoin that she can make a million dollar profit. When overhearing this I feel despeondent about my own fate, having a few thousand dollars in the bank and no way to stop coming in to work day after day. At least Tasha can quit, but I doubt she will because most people who work fit in and don't feel the need to quit and find a better place to be.
I woke up with the bus driving down the road to an unknown destination.
