After 1 week of a very feeble attempt at following the monk schedule I created for myself, which was supposed to last for 3 months, I have decided to put an end to it. I am reminded of a schedule I made when I was a college student, which lasted about the same amount of time, I realized then that a schedule set in stone does not fit well with how I like to live my life, which is a constant monitoring of inner and outer life, and deciding each day how best to proceed. And so like then, today I give myself the freedom to cancel the schedule and to start fresh. I value freedom and if a schedule of my own making begins to feel like slavery, then I should acknowledge my mistake and move on.
So what now? The point of the schedule was to put my mind more at ease, my inner life more in harmony with the external world. I see now that before the schedule I was living quite well, within and without, so although I am always searching for ways to grow more at peace, the old method of going from day to day and following the whims of the moment is fine and it works, so I will be returning to that for now. Running/walking in the mornings, chess study at the library at some point in the day, and if I feel the need, I have plenty of time to sit and meditate.
Perhaps sitting meditation is not that important to me in the present as it was 30 years ago, and if I think about it, back then I did not follow any schedule and my time spent sitting was minimal, what I really worked hard on was focusing on the breath at all hours of the day or night, with whatever I was doing. The sitting was more a luxury for me due to my limited time due to working and going to school full time, and yet this did not prevent me from having mind-shattering insights.
I have learned that there is no one way or right way to practice meditation and zen, each person has to figure out what brings harmony and peace, and then if the desire is there, to work on gaining more of it.
So I will be running and walking and studying chess and reading and eating and napping, all done when the timing is right. My schedule will be the no-schedule.
